MRI Scan – Part 3!

Hi everyone, as promised I am updating you on the progress of my MRI scan. My brain is apparently very normal (with a small thickening of the mucous lining on one of my sinuses… lol). How do I feel about this?

  1. I’m very happy that my brain is healthy, as it’s given me an absolute ton of anxiety over the last weeks, and to find out has really put that to rest. I know that I’m going to be okay now, and my brain is not killing me slowly unknowingly.
  2. …..BUT….. and there has to be a but… I’m disappointed. I’m upset. I was hoping so strongly that they would find SOMETHING because otherwise, nothing explains my high levels of dissociation, my constant migraines, my eyes and their inability┬áto track correctly, and everything else. If it was physical, maybe I could be treated and this would all stop.
  3. I think I knew all along my brain was going to be fine. This has reminded me again that I am mentally ill, and pretty solidly so – and I will be okay one day, even if I’m struggling horrifically right now. I don’t know how long it will take, but I can have therapy and classes to help me.

Overall, I just wish I was better right now. Thanks for reading!

Working with disability

Working with mental illness and disability is, to put it lightly, extremely difficult for the best of people. During my time working at a well-known fast food chain (DcMonald’s…), I would have breakdowns on shift, panic attacks, paranoia episodes, dissociative episodes, etc. I have been yelled at by colleagues and customers, and most shockingly my managers. I’ve since been too scared to work in retail again – which is probably the only place I will be able to work at the moment – and so I have money struggles at the moment.

The only thing I can stand doing is self-employed ad hoc work that is completely up to me whether I can handle it or not. I’ve done some of that now – but given that I have to wait for work from them, it’s still leaving me struggling. It’s far far better than no work or working in retail, and I’m so grateful I can do it.

A lot of disabled people may struggle to even get a job due to biases and prejudice about what we are capable of doing. For example, for DcMonald’s, holding good eye contact is a job pre-requisite, but if you’re autistic or struggle with anxiety, that can be near impossible.

I think being disabled is more expensive than being abled. I struggle with impulse control for spending, or cooking so I buy takeaways, or I do shopping therapy to help myself feel better and less low mood. For example, I bought a Nintendo 64 in the last couple of days simply because I could! Not good for my bank. But look at what my new baby looks like!

N64-Console-Set

What do you think about working with a disability? I think I am going to write more about this, as it’s really interesting to me what we expect from disabled people.